M: The most awesome mangling of TGC's plot *ever*

[Somewhat]

Gah!

I was excited today to discover that my local paper (The Canberra Times) had The Golden Compass as their featured DVD review this week.

Frustratingly, it contains the line:

"We are introduced to the golden compass of the title the Alethiometer, a device banned by the Magisterium, which allows people to see between parallel worlds..."

where was Aletheia Dolorosa and her editing skills?!

It goes to add to the fact that people these days just don't listen...

It always startles me when I see posts by you because we live in the same town. Er... village. I don't read The Canberra Times, though. I think this may be a good thing now that Ronni isn't subediting there anymore.

Small person must take last-remaining epic item on a journey across strange lands where she will meet new companions, pursued by omniscient nefarious evildoers. No hobbits.

[Northen_Lights]

Small person must take last-remaining epic item on a journey across strange lands where she will meet new companions, pursued by omniscient nefarious evildoers. No hobbits.

Brilliant description. Sums up this wonderful, complex, thought-provoking and intelligent film perfectly.

[zemarl]

well i've already seen the film, so these were allowed to be funny by comparison. that said the film didn't mangle the plot nearly as much as the point - i give it that, and dbr's portrayal of lyra made me want to give her some kind of victoria cross (in the context of everything else).

[Northen_Lights]

One of the Golden Compass TV Spots says that the person who can read the Golden Compass can rule the universe

[Luca]

"Not so long ago, in a universe so close yet so far, but let's not get complicated just yet...

It is a period of religious war. Magisterium zepellins, striking from a massive base in London, have won their first victory against the lovely and good Jordan College. During the non-battle, Jordan's Master tells of the ultimate weapon, the GOLDEN COMPASS, an item that is neither golden, nor a compass, but harnesses enough power to make a pre-teen girl all daydreamy. Pursued by the Magisterium's sinister agents, Princess Lyra races to the North aboard Lee's flying ship, custodian of the stolen plot that can save some missing kids and restore freedom to Svalbard....

*skyferry flies overhead*

[Philharmonic]

My mangling:

A young girl sets out north to eventually lead one helpless boy that is younger than her to a terrible half death.

Imagine that on the cover! I mean that part wasn't in the film!

I saw someone said Salcilia blows up-can't wait to see that!

[Northen_Lights]

I saw someone said Salcilia blows up-can't wait to see that!

Oh, charming...

[Philharmonic]

Well, i'm a young teenage pyromaniac, so I can't wait, can I?

[zemarl]

i wonder if these are written by those ad-lib games, you know, fill in the blank with a noun or adjective or other type of word, totally random because one person holds the master paper and the other just gives whatever adverb etc that comes to mind

[daemon_light]

Does anyone remember that really early blurb in a newspaper that featured a picture of the GC teaser poster?

I seem to remember this dreadful sentence: "Lyra and her daemon, Iorek the polar bear, travel to the North to find a magical substance after a mystical compass tells them to."

Gross.

[Philharmonic]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! and her dæmon, Iorek? i am going to be in stitches for weeks!